August 10, 2011

Corporate Merger Baffles Wallstreet

I hit upon an idea after work today. Initially, I thought it was brilliant. Finally, it dimmed greatly.

My idea was to choose 2-3 well-known company logos and merge them, forming an altogether new company logo. My choices, I decided,  would come from the establishments I passed on my 5-mile drive home. At the 4.5 mile mark I had nothing. Then, in rapid succession: Carl's Jr., Shell, McDonalds. Hah! This blog practically writes itself.

After dinner I set about downloading the best representations I could find. Then I brought each into Adobe Illustrator and redrew them. I wanted to have all the pieces seperate. After all, Frankenstein didn't mash whole bodies together when he made his monster. Neither would I. Afetr tracing and coloring I had these:

Now, I am no racist, but I had no intention of working with 3 different reds, 3 different yellows and black. I ditched the black from McDonald's. Sizing up the others, I decided I liked how 'dirty' the colors are on the Carl's Jr. star, so I grabbed my trusty eyedropper and soon my graphic utopia was shaping up:

I honestly had no idea what I was going to do next, but I knew it was going to get messy. I brought each logo into a single file window and took them apart, scattering the pieces. The scene before me was ugly. It was as if someone had swerved off the highway and taken out several signs in a stripmall. Oh, the humanity! Nevertheless, I carried on.

It was a tense 20 minutes. I scaled, rotated and duplicated the carnage. When sweat would form beads on my brow, my nurse was there to pat it away. Several times I had to shush the students in the gallery above. Their snoring was breaking my concentration. My nerves, once steel, betrayed me. They became weak and spongy.

As night turned into later-night, I began to question my own abilities. Then a sudden calm came over me. In that darkest half-hour, when all seemed lost, the hand of God touched me. It was as if to say, "Dumbass. Wake up. This isn't a real job, you putz. You don't even have followers, so nobody is going to see your blog, let alone your circus sideshow logo creation."

Who can argue with that logic? I slapped the pieces together where they fit, wrapped the whole thing liberally with duct tape and called it done: