And I was right.
Ladies and gentlemen, just 161 short weeks later, I give you.... the bench.
To recap, the bench started its life as a discarded chair. The alley treasure did not have cushions, but the wood was sturdy and it showed potential. What I saw was a bench trapped in a chair's body. So, I replaceded all of the crossmembers with wider pieces of lumber. What is original is just the sides, including the legs and armrests.
The tops of the back legs had previously had some sort of wood ornamentation. I think they were simple spheres. Once the decision was made to give the bench the Tijuana color treatment, I figured carved skulls would be a better fit. The screws in the eyes, you will notice, are phillips-head in one, and slotted in the other. There is a reason for this, but I will take that secret to the grave. (Or, I will reveal it in my tell-all life story sometime down the road.)
I am very pleased with the way the bench turned out. I like the colors. My wife made a lovely set of cushions for it, despite my disappointing choice of fabric. My favorite touch, though, is the dice. The legs had the square shape there already. Somehow I hit upon the idea of changing them to look like dice. I could have simply painted the dots on with black paint, but a forstner bit and a drill were the real ticket to making a mediocre design element a stellar design element.
I realized that the back of the bench may not be seen much, depending upon where it finally finds a home, but I was not satisfied with simply painting it. This iconic Day of the Dead image was simple to reproduce and adds the jazz I felt was needed.
I hope to sell the bench for $500. I have not tested the market yet, as it was officially finished just a couple hours ago. Like most of my artistic endeavors, this bench will go great in a handful of homes, but will not look good in most. It will be up to the cosmos to see that one of the few people who want this monster are lucky enough to actually see it. I am not worried. I have a good feeling about this one.